This is 2/8 guest posts by Sair Gryphon chronicling her reflections on experiencing The Dark Goddess Spiral transformational journey. 

Dark Goddess Spiral 2/8 - Participant JournalDARK GODDESS RISING

Session 2 we explored the base chakra and the archetype/goddess #Lilith

TLDR VERSION
There are 3 versions of the ‘dark goddess’, Lilith: She evolves from being ‘Adam’s original wife’ in the garden of Eden to going evil and turning into Dark Moon Lilith. Then somehow, mysteriously, she integrates her darkness and becomes the powerful balance of light+dark: Black Moon Lilith.

She helps us to do the same. Dark Goddess Spiral 2/8 - Participant Journal

WANT MORE?
Well, Lilith is all about more from what I can sense: She’s pure excess. And she’s a part of me that I’ve suppressed in many ways because I’ve been scared of that excess (maybe Adam was too?).

THE MYTH OF LILITH
One version of the myth goes like this:

PHASE 1: Lilith) God created the first man and woman, Adam and Lilith and placed them in the garden of Eden (as mutual equal powerful partners – none of that subservient ‘made out of man’s rib-bone’ nonsense like Eve, Adam’s second and better-known wife). PS. This version of the myth may have been influenced by feminists.

Lilith longed for union with Adam, for true mutuality. He felt threatened, and he wasn’t down with that. So he exiled her from paradise (or she got fed up with him, decided he wasn’t going to change, and exiled herself ).

PHASE 2: Dark Moon Lilith) Overcome with hatred and bitterness, Lilith vows to get revenge and goes completely evil. Wait … I saw this on an episode of ‘Lost Girl’ … Dark Goddess Spiral 2/8 - Participant Journal (I love that show! And incidentally the main character, Bo the Succubus, embodies Lilith-energy deliciously).

Dark Moon Lilith lives in caves in the desert and has sex with demons, resulting in demon babies. She has wings and horns, long red hair, a scarlet dress (when she’s bothering to wear it), and is sex-goddess gorgeous. You couldn’t say no to her if you tried. And you wouldn’t try. Dark Goddess Spiral 2/8 - Participant Journal

She steals the essence of men in the night (as a succubus) or steals babies from the village. Basically she’s very bad, and you should be very afraid.

ENTER A MYSTERIOUS GAP
Nobody knows what happens in this part of the story. But somehow grace comes into the darkness, and saves Lilith out the agony of her torment (which is motivating her descent into her dark nature).

PHASE 3: Black Moon Lilith
Lilith emerges as an integrated being, fully in touch with her darkness and her light. She is able to admit to the worst that humanity can offer, and she is able to hold it gently. She no longer attacks others with it, and she has compassion for their darkness.

As a result she is a FUCKING powerhouse. She embodies forgiveness and the fruits of a hero’s journey that has led her full circle. She embodies mature sexual power, and the force of the untamed wild feminine (which is an attribute of us all, regardless of sex or gender).

CLEARING OLD SHIT
The ‘root clear’ process was around:
*Rejection
*Hatred
*Self-Esteem
*Sovereignty

MY STORY
#Rejection has been a core theme in my life story (from Mum rejecting me as a baby onward). I’ve played it out 100 times with 100 friends, loved ones, and partners. I’ve consistently done my part (unconsciously) to recreate it. The mood of rejection has felt normal, agonising, traumatic, weirdly comforting, and masochistically pleasurable.

I’m tired of this story.

I want to write a new story: A story where I’m loved and accepted internally and at core.

A story where I don’t fear or judge rejection, where it can’t hurt me any longer or in any core way.

A story where because I’m accepted and have integrated all the previous self-rejecting parts of myself (like Lilith does on her journey), I no longer reject others. I don’t even reject them if they’re rejecting me. I no longer fear others’ rejection because it’s so obvious to me that they’re rejecting parts of themselves, and not me as such.

A story where I stay tender with all, while at the same time exerting appropriate situation-specific boundaries, protecting my inner vulnerability (and sometimes situationally that of others, but not rescuing people). That I do this open-heartedly … with Lilith’s Black Moon Power, there is no need to be closed-hearted or defensive.

These boundaries (or other actions or inactions) are more like a powerful warrior-stance, as the ‘right move’ to make in that moment. It’s more as ‘tough love’ to all involved, including me: Love at the point of a sword.

So I give up on rejection, and open my arms to all wounded and lost parts of myself, bringing them home at last. If I want to bring in a new life theme (no small undertaking), that’s what’s required. 100% self-acceptance, no ‘dark’ part too shameful or disgusting. Every lost part rescued, every dark part owned.

By the grace of Lilith (insert your Deity or Construct of choice, that part’s not essentially important), I look at myself and others in our darkness with clear vision – not embellishing what’s happening, and not downplaying it. I give up playing the victim in any way, or buying into others’ victim stories.

If I don’t reject me, than nobody else’s rejection of me will have true or lasting sting.

If I take up my power, the melodrama ceases on my side at least, and I begin to experience inner peace (which flowers over time and puts down roots). Nobody has the power to put down that peace … except for me.

JOURNEYING
I’ve felt emotions and body sensations around rejection etc releasing this week, as I’ve lived each new moment. The clearing process feels helpful and has power … I sense that’s because I’m opening myself up to receive it. I sense it probably wouldn’t work if I was closed. And that many other processes have power too, if I just open myself to receive their healing.

SIDE BENEFIT: GET YO FLIRT ON!
I’ve also noticed Lilith’s seductive flirtatious energy becoming embodied in me this week. Previously this energy has been a lot more ‘outside of me’ in my world, than coming from the inside. I’ve often been attracted to people who embodied Lilith’s sexuality, rather than drawing that up inside of me. The times I’ve tried I’ve felt clumsy and awkward. You should see my ‘duck face’ … it just doesn’t work. 😉 Hmm, I must go and try that in the mirror now …

This week I’ve found myself flirting, my body standing in new postures, and my voice laughing more, and my offers more direct and unafraid. This has unfolded organically, and hasn’t felt difficult. It’s felt like Lilith is at my shoulder, whispering in my ear, teaching me how to embody her.

She’s like some kind of flirting/seducer/seductress/seduced pimp.

I’m excited by our combined power!

Until session 3.